I've been doing a lot of flying lately, I've attempted the sudoku and crossword puzzles in the inflight magazine, and wanted to choke slam infant children to help stop their crying. However my most entertainment 30,000 ft in the air came from the 2009 Sky Mall Magazine: Holiday Edition.
Now if your unfamiliar with Sky Mall, it is exactly what it sounds like, a mall in the sky. Imagine every unnecessary useless item you can find while browsing the mall, then imagine them conveniently in the seat pocket in front of you.
Top 15 Useless Products: through page 189
15. Diamond Tipped Microdermabrasion System $249.99 - This could have been ranked higher if I had any idea what its purpose was.
14. Remote Controlled Tarantula or Black Widow Spider $29.99 - Now I'm assumed this was a children's toy, then I realized it's 1 inch high and 6 inches long, which makes them pretty lifelike. Therefore meaning this is not a kid's toy, it's an adult's toy to scare the shit out of their kids.
13. G-DEFY $130.00 - Gravity defying sneakers. "Feel like your flying, guaranteed." This brilliant shoe company actually put springs in the sneakers, taking Nike Shox to the next level. *Not yet banned from athletic competition.
12. Hairmax Lasercomb $495.00 - Treats hair loss and promotes hair growth. Call me naive, but I think this one actually works. For almost 500 dollars it's gotta be good, right? ....right?
11. The ONLY Portable Microwave Oven $299.95 - When your tailgating for a football game or a concert, what is missing? Hotpockets and popcorn of course. For only $299.99 you can be a member of the cool kids club and be able to make popcorn in a quick 6 minutes. The only difference between this and a normal microwave is there is a handle on top, because you still need a place to plug it in.
10. The ONLY Digital Camera Swim Mask $99.99, LED headlamp $54.95 - For those 3 or 4 times in your entire life when you felt the urge to take a picture underwater.
9. The Marshmallow Shooter $24.99 - A pump-action gun that launches marshmallows. Basically a Nerf gun, which also contains edible projectiles. *More on Marshmallow tossing devices later.
8.Canon Residential Safe $849.99 - Having a safe in your house is a completely logical idea, especially to store large sums of money, drugs, guns, and family heirlooms. But I don't think it's an impulse buy while flying with the family to Disney World.
7. Voice-Activated Life-Sized R2-D2 $189.99 - Haven't most Star Wars fans built their own from scratch like me? No?
6. The Telekinetic Obstacle Course $99.95 - Use your brain with the help of a headband that Pinky and the Brain used to wear, to send mental commands to guide a ball through an obstacle course.
5. Genuine Handmade Irish Shillelagh $49.95 - Beat the shit out of people the same way drunk Irishmen do.
4. Adult Footed PJ's $ depend on size - They sound like a great nostalgic idea, but honestly who is going to where this except for when watching A Christmas Story? Styles: red, lips, blue ducks, pink, camo, skulls, pink elephants, guitars, penguins, planes, baby blue, pink ducks, polka dots.
3. Automatic Marshmallow Bazooka $49.95 - An awesome upgrade of the Marshmallow Shooter (#9). It has a microprocessor and shoots 'mallows over 40 feet. I'm not even gonna kid myself, this is awesome.
2. The Slanket $37.99 - After carful and extensive research I figure out that the Slanket actually precedes the Snuggie, however the Freedom Blanket originated the idea. Here's an interesting article comparing all the blankets with sleeves.
1. Truck Antlers $24.99 - My favorite pointless SkyMall product. I just don't see how a deer will ever be confused with a Ford F150.
Bro-
ReplyDeleteThe marshmellow guns are AWESOME. Powerful enough to make an impact, but they don't hurt. The automatic one just makes it that much easier to make those crying children described in the opening paragraph stop crying. I can't believe you didn't include the Dog-Ramp (not sure of it's exact title), a ramp designed to help your dog up to your bed.